Darcy's Musings
by bookworm0706
Summary: Complete! Random exerpts from Pride and Prejudice-all feature what Darcy's thinking! In very fluffy detail. Please rr!
1. chapter 1

A/N: Here comes the next one of Darcy's not-so-private-anymore thoughts! It's pretty short, but then again there's another one coming ASAP.  
  
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Darcy stood in his study at Pemberley and looked out across his grounds. The window was wide and clear, and gave a magnificent view of the woods and lake. It was truly a gentleman's residence.except to one person, to Darcy the most important in the world, save his sister. His eyes took on a far- off cast as he remembered that fateful evening in the Rectory at Rosings Park. Pained, he recalled every rude remark of his, his hurtful criticism of her family, and the self-confident way in which he had addressed himself to Miss Elizabeth Bennet. He had behaved atrociously, he had to admit to himself. Her reprimand still stung. '.had you behaved in a more gentleman- like manner.' The words spooked through his head. None could have been more appropriate, and none could have tortured him more, for Darcy had prided himself on being a perfect gentleman, thinking himself above all the qualities that Elizabeth had shown him to posses. He had been arrogant, vain, prideful, rude, and so standoffish that she had good reason to hate him. In a mental turmoil at the upsetting of all his wrong beliefs, he had retreated from Rosings, nonetheless reluctant to leave Elizabeth, even if he could not have her. She was so lovely, so caring, so spirited! No one could equal her. His life missed something, and he felt again the desolation that was so beautifully illustrated in myths and poems. Before he had just laughed it off, but now.now he felt that he knew the pain that the long-gone heroes and heroines must have lived through, for it afflicted him every day, and he constantly turned his thoughts towards the one thing that he would never have. 'If only' was his consistent companion, plaguing him with what might have been. And now she would never be his. Darcy gazed out sadly and sighed. *Oh, Elizabeth, if only you knew how much you matter to me! *  
  
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Daffodil: Thank you, I do believe I will.  
  
Mooncancer: Nah, not really. I write what I think about-that says a lot about my mind, doesn't it?  
  
Hell's Dragon: P and P is Jane's best work! I love it too it is so good. The movie is good too (the one with 6 videos). 


	2. chapter 2

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in so long, people!  
  
Dedicated to Christy, who got me started reading JA, and to Pandora, who wrote me my longest review yet.  
  
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Darcy watched the Gardiner's carriage disappear along the drive, then turned and walked slowly back to the manor, meditating on the day's unexpected events. He had been completely astonished to find Elizabeth on the grounds, and even more surprised and confused that she didn't meet him with the same coldness as their last meeting had been-the impression he had was one of shame. Since Darcy now felt that his letter to Elizabeth had been self-absorbed and written while he was very bitter, he had never imagined that so large a change could have been wrought in her countenance by his words. As it was, shock to find her so close was still evident in his thoughts as he mentally reviewed their meeting. Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner were extremely agreeable people, and Elizabeth had been right in saying that he used to be too proud-before his infamous proposal; he would have disdained meeting a lawyer and his wife. But now. Anything that his love said he took to heart, acting upon it with fervor, and it made him a better man for it. If only now she could love him! But Darcy had no hope there. Her feelings in April had been much too decided to bring about such a change. Still, he felt sure that Georgiana would like to meet Elizabeth, for her enjoyable wit would help make his beloved sister bolder. He remembered with a small, loving smile every time her eyes had fallen on him that day, and the few times her beautiful lips had curved into a smile of amusement or appreciation. Her embarrassment to be found at Pemberley after their conference in the Rectory at Rosings was touching, and reinforced in Darcy's mind how perfect her sense of right and wrong was, added to all else that he loved in her-her ready wit and humor, her fine eyes, the gentleness that she showed other human beings, her compassion.he could go on naming her virtues endlessly, as he had lost himself in doing so many times before, staring into space and just remembering. But this day brought the sweetest memories of all-how she had responded to his tentative questions with friendliness that did not seem to be false-or did he just wish it to be so? It all melded into Darcy's mind, in which only one fact stood out clearly. He loved Elizabeth. That he knew, that he would always know. Sighing deeply at his confusion, Darcy gently eased the doors of Pemberley open and slipped in.  
  
In his study, he eased himself into his armchair and was soon gazing entranced at the fire, thinking of nothing in particular, though all his thoughts were of Elizabeth. He was startled when a gentle knock at the door announced the presence of another person.  
  
"Come in." The door opened inward, and Mrs. Reynolds emerged, carrying a tray of tea perfectly balanced.  
  
"I brought you some tea, sir. You looked like you needed it when you came in, if you'll excuse me for taking liberties." She set it down on the table next to him and started poring Darcy a cup-it steamed and smelled very strong.  
  
"But of course. Thank you very much." He sipped the hot cup. "And I like it very much. Thank you, Mrs. Reynolds."  
  
"Your welcome sir." She hesitated a moment, and then went on. "I had a few visitors that I showed around Pemberley today sir-a certain Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner and a Miss Bennet. I hope you approve?" She seemed anxious to receive his blessing to her showing visitors the beautiful house.  
  
"Of course. I met them myself on the grounds. Very agreeable people. Tell me, what did they think of Pemberley?"  
  
"Oh, they thought it very grand, sir, very grand indeed. The young lady claimed to know you, and she seemed very impressed by your portrait in the gallery." Darcy got the distinct impression that the housekeeper was teasing him, but he was too warmed by the thought that it might be true.  
  
"Truly?" he asked, his voice betraying a little too much enthusiasm and happiness.  
  
"Yes," she answered, smiling at his pleasure, and then went on, frowning now. "Another portrait had a great impact on her also. That of Mr. Wickham struck her in some way, I believe." She shook her head meditatively, then bowed and went out, shutting the door on the conflicting feelings that this cryptic statement aroused in Darcy-old hatred, wonder, and.(an unreasonable, he told himself) jealousy.  
  
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A/N: So, what did you think? Like it? Many thanks to my reviewers and I'm very sorry I didn't update for so long.  
  
Kitera-Matar: I'm definitely writing more!  
  
Pandora: Thank you so much! That means a lot to me. Did you like Mansfield Park? That's my second favorite, tied with S&S. Oh my gosh, now I'm worried about what your sister will say. Do you like this next one? I didn't think it was good enough for someone to bother printing it out! I LOVED Pride and Prejudice it is my absolute favorite and I've read it like 3 times already. I always try to imagine what the other characters (especially Darcy) are thinking, because JA gives us a few provocative hints. But that's why we love her!  
  
Siriusly Weird: Do you really think so? Thanks * blushes*!  
  
Mooncancer: Someone's going all soft. Thank you, I can't believe everyone thinks it is this good! 


	3. chapter 3

VERY IMPORTANT A/N: Just a little note to everyone: These aren't written in order, or in any specific way of thinking. They're just written when I think of one, so one might be from the end of the book and the next one from the beginning, and there's no connection! Just wanted to clear that up.  
  
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(A/N: Takes place at Pemberley while Elizabeth is there, while they are dining with the Bingleys. I know that the comment isn't exactly right, because I don't have Pride and Prejudice with me right now. Sorry.)  
  
"I should think that your family in particular is affected by the regiment's move."  
  
Mr. Darcy looked up, shocked and angered. Never before had he thought Miss Bingley a rude person, but now he realized how provoking and ill mannered her comment was. He was angry, for he knew that the implication lay on Wickham, and obviously, Georgiana knew it too. She had stopped playing, and would not look at him, though he willed her to meet his eyes. Brotherly protection rose in him at the thought of how much this was paining his sister. Then he looked at Elizabeth who, for a moment, seemed at loss as to what to say, her bright eyes adding an extra beauty to the flush that spread across her cheeks. She would not betray their confidence, he was sure, but it the blow he had gotten for Georgiana deepened now, as he thought of what must be going through her head-how surprised, uncertain, and shocked she must be feeling! Anger flared up at Miss Bingley, who had sorely injured the two most important women in his life. A flush rose to his cheeks, and he was about to say something when Elizabeth's voice reached his ears.  
  
"Oh, yes, I should think so," she said lightly, and her voice had that slightly jesting quality in it that had so often been applied to Darcy himself, and was now working to fend off ridicule. "Because Lydia, you know, has gone with her good friend, the Colonel's wife, to Brighton for a time. They have been very kind to her, and we are all very grateful that she was given this opportunity to see more of the country." Darcy breathed an inward sigh of relief. She had managed to cross Miss Bingley while appearing to not know a thing about Wickham and his business with the Darcy's, or understand the intended insult. He saw, amused, that Miss Bingley looked cross and confused, and then went back to talking to her sister with an irritated air. Gratified and admiring, he also noticed that Elizabeth had gone to Georgiana at the pianoforte and was speaking to her in a low voice, comforting the shaken girl. Warmth welled up in him as he saw her converse with her sister so, making sure that she was all right. Soon, Georgiana started playing again, though with a decidedly more timid air. Elizabeth stayed with her, watching, and happened to look up as he was gazing at her. Darcy's heart skipped a beat as she looked into his loving eyes and smiled, reassuring him that everything was taken care of, and that he needn't worry about his sister. He was still breathless, his heart aflame, when she turned back to the piano after a few seconds that seemed to last an eternity. It was the first time that she had looked full in his eyes and smiled, and smiled for him. It gave him a feeling of delicious warmth, wrapped in loving tenderness as he continued to watch her. How perfect she was! Her figure, slightly bent over the piano, was thin and beautifully shaped, like her lovely features and sparkling eyes. He longed to have a ball, just so that he might waltz with her and hold her in his arms. If only she knew just how much she held the power to both torture and delight him. Oh, Elizabeth.  
  
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A/N: Thank you for reviewing!  
  
Alqualyne: I can't! My parents won't let me accept them-the whole safety issue, you know, though I don't see how it relates to this. Anyway, thank you! Darcy is like, my favorite love character ever. These aren't in any particular order though. Just random.  
  
Daffodil: Will do! 


	4. chapter 4

A/N: I'm soooooo unbelievable sorry that I haven't updated in forever! First, I needed to get the book out of the library for this, and then I have been so busy it took me a while to write it, and then the site was giving me problems so I couldn't post it! Please forgive me! :'-(! It'll be a while till I post again, because I'm going to camp, so have patience with a poor, busy writer!  
  
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Darcy was in good humor. He sat straight on his horse as it carried him towards Lambton, to wait on Elizabeth and her uncle and aunt. It was a clean, crisp day, with a slight breeze stirring the warm summer air. He felt that he was on his way to gaining Elizabeth's good opinion, and though he seriously doubted that she could ever come close to loving him, her friendship would be nearly as good. Darcy had a kind word for everyone today, and a humor that might last him through all incivilities, save a few. It was to change, however, when he reached the inn.  
  
He entered the parlor, words of cheerful greeting already on his tongue, to be confronted with the sight of Elizabeth, who had suddenly halted when he came in. She was pale and seemed stricken and distracted. Her eyes were wide and she looked ready to burst into tears.  
  
"I beg your pardon," she said in a rush, hasty words tumbling from her pale lips, "but I must leave you. I must find Mr. Gardiner this moment, on business that cannot be delayed; I have not an instant to loose." Darcy's heart did a double take. What could be wrong to have her act so unlike her normal state?  
  
"Good God! What is the matter?" he cried, his feelings rising in his voice. He recollected his scattered wits, and then said, in a calmer, soothing tone, "I will not detain you a minute, but let me, or let the servant, go after Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner. You are not well enough, you cannot go yourself." He looked at her worriedly when she gave him a hopeless look, and her eyes seemed to beg support as she trembled on her feet. She called back the servant, and in a hurried and breathless tone, commissioned him to fetch the Gardiners home immediately. When the servant had left, she sat down in a chair, and looked desperately miserable and disheveled. Darcy's heart throbbed for her, and he desperately searched his mind for anything that might relieve her of her distress. He looked at her soothingly and moved closer by, hoping to give her some comfort. Gently and compassionately, he said, "Let me call your maid. Is there nothing you could take to give you present relief? -A glass of wine; shall I get you one? -You are very ill."  
  
He saw that she made an attempt to recover herself, and marveled at her brave spirit in the face of whatever had afflicted her. "No," she replied, "I thank you. There is nothing the matter with me. I am quite well. I am only distressed by some dreadful news which I have just received from Longbourn." And she burst into tears, sobs shaking the body that now looked so frail and sickly, without any of its previous glow or good spirit. Wretched with suspense and the agony she felt, Darcy murmured something incomprehensible about his concern, hardly knowing what he was saying. He watched silently, mind running over anything that could cause her so much pain-surely none of her family was sick, or deceased? What could have happened? Tears continued running down her cheeks, and at last she controlled herself, and dabbing at her eyes with a small handkerchief, said in difficult and pained tones, as if she hated to tell him but knew she had no choice, "I have just had a letter from Jane, with such dreadful news. It cannot be concealed from anyone. My youngest sister has left all her friends-has eloped-has thrown herself into the power of-of Mr. Wickham. They are gone off together from Brighton. You know him too well to doubt the rest-she has no money, no connections, nothing that can tempt him to- she is lost forever." Darcy stood, immovable in astonishment. This, he had never thought possible. To his great pain, she went on, even more agitated, "When I consider that I might have prevented it! -I who knew what he was. Had I but explained some part of it only-some part of what I learned to my only family! Had his character been known, this could not have happened. But it is all, all too late now." Her speech gave Darcy great troubles, for he knew that she had not spoken to preserve his secret. He blamed himself, now, for this happening, and consequently for giving Elizabeth this much pain. If only he could find a way to help her! With his whole heart, he wished for a solution to save her from this torment. He could not think less of her for this, could not and would not. He still loved her, for herself, and not for her family.  
  
"I am grieved, indeed," he cried feelingly, "grieved-shocked. But it is certain, absolutely certain?"  
  
"Oh, yes! -They left Brighton together on Sunday night, and were traced almost to London, but not beyond; they are certainly not gone to Scotland." The small hope of false information within Darcy died almost as soon as it had surfaced. But still, he would ask more. He hoped to calm her slightly as he did so.  
  
"And what has been done, what has been attempted, to recover her?"  
  
"My father is gone to London, and Jane has written to beg my uncle's immediate assistance, and we shall be off, I hope, in half an hour. But nothing can be done; I know very well that nothing can be done. How is such a man to be worked on? How are they ever to be discovered? I have not the smallest hope. It is in every way horrible!"  
  
Darcy felt that he could not do anything for her, and it made him wretched, his heart pounding in his chest with pent-up emotions. He was entirely engrossed in feeling for her, and was as pained as she was miserable. She went on in self-blame, while he was sure that no one was to blame but himself-after all, had he not kept the whole affair secret?  
  
"When my eyes were opened to his real character. Oh! Had I known what I ought, what I dared, to do! But I knew not-I was afraid of doing too much. Wretched, wretched mistake!" Her remark caused Darcy to remember something, combined with her earlier comment on the hopelessness of their discovery. *If there was anyone in London that could be harboring Wickham, * he thought, *it is Mrs. Younge. * He paced, trying to remember all the details that he could about her and her residence in London. His brow contracted in concentration, he did not notice that Elizabeth looked at him with a heightened gloom and desperateness. He must, he decided, go to London as soon as he could and search out Mrs. Younge. There was not a moment to waste. Every minute he waited was another minute that his beloved Elizabeth had to wait in anguish and false hope. Determined to excuse himself and then set off for London, he excused himself compassionately, but restraining his voice from telling of the hope that he had for her. "I am afraid that you have long been desiring my absence, nor have I anything to plead in excuse for my stay, but real, though unavailing concern." *And love, * he thought slightly bitterly. "Would to heaven that anything could be either said or done on my part that might offer consolation to such distress. -But I will not torment you with vain wishes, which may seem purposely to ask for your thanks. This unfortunate affair will, I fear, prevent my sister's having the pleasure of seeing you at Pemberley to-day." It pained him to think of Georgiana now, and the similarity of the situations. She looked up with a pained and regretful face.  
  
"Oh, yes. Be so kind as to apologize for us to Miss Darcy. Say that urgent business calls us home immediately. Conceal the unhappy truth as long as it is possible. -I know it cannot be long." He assured her that he would keep the secret as long as he could, and then said again, though he felt the uselessness on her condition, that it would come out well, left his greeting to the Gardiners, looked at her anxious face once more, his heart burning in mixed hope, despondency, and pain. As he left the room, he thought heavily, *I shall probably never see her again. *  
  
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A/N: Thanks so much for reviewing! Again, sorry to my faithful reviewers to have kept you waiting!  
  
Breeze: Thanks! Darcy is my favorite because of all his pining for Lizzy!  
  
Laurore: I will put them in order, I promise-I just haven't gotten around to it yet. Soon, though. I'm going to wait a little while so I have some more done. Thanks for the suggestion!  
  
Siriusly Weird: Thank you so much! I hope this chapter gave you goosebumps (or a similar feeling) too!  
  
Sunshine: I know! If he was alive now I might even marry him! If he weren't obsessed with Elizabeth, that is. 


	5. chapter 5

A/N: Sorry for any misspellings!  
  
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Takes place when Darcy's aunt tries to get him to promise not to marry Elizabeth.  
  
My dear Brother,  
  
All is well at Pemberley, thank goodness. I am sorry that I have been neglecting our correspondence-there has been nothing to write. But what has been going on that you do not write to me, as you so regularly do? I know you are in London now, but where else have you been all these days that I haven't heard of you? I have been guessing, for even in your letters you seem preoccupied with something, as if you aren't telling me everything. But I go on about nothing. Please forgive me for my curiousness; it results from having little to do to occupy myself. I have heard from Miss Bingley (who stopped by a few days back) that her brother and the elder sister of Miss Elizabeth Bennet are to be married. She seems upset and, I think, desires me to feel that way too, but I cannot. If Miss Jane Bennet is as delightful as her sister, then it is a good match, for Mr. Bingley is a deserving man. Miss Bingley, by the way, speaks ill of Miss Elizabeth and the Gardiners, but I cannot join her when I think of your good opinion of them. Have you seen any more of Miss Bennet? I remember thinking that you quite admired her the summer that she spent in Derbyshire. But I only tease you, brother, and if I have hurt you, I apologize. I did like her very well though, Fitzwilliam. Very well indeed.  
  
Your loving sister,  
  
Georgiana *  
  
Mr. Darcy sighed and lay the letter down on the table. He was happy to hear how much Georgiana valued Elizabeth's company, and her opinion was a much less vivid version of his own, which pleased him. But if only it was as simple as Georgiana thought his 'brief admiration' to be! If he knew that Elizabeth loved him, he would waste no time in offering his hand again, pride be damned. Even if it meant having Wickham as a brother. She was worth it a thousand times over; after all, he himself had secured Wickham as Elizabeth's brother-in-law. But alas, it could not possibly happen. She had been friendly at Pemberley, but was it only because of the Gardiners? Had he only imagined it, or had he seen a real smile in her beautiful dark eyes? Darcy sighed. he thought sadly, Now that he let himself really think about what had been weighing most upon his heart and mind at last, Darcy slowly sank away again into despair, his heart starting to crack in pieces. Leaning back in his chair, he remembered with a tender devotion her time in Derbyshire. His heart throbbed once again as he recollected the last time he saw her in Lambton, distraught and crying. His heart had wrenched violently as he watched her make herself miserable, and his resolve to do something to ease her mind had resulted in finding and marrying Wickham to that foolish Lydia Bennet. Darcy was just finishing another sad sigh when a servant knocked at his door, opened it, and announced in a slightly intimidated voice,  
  
"Lady Catherine de Bourgh!" Darcy's stomach sank as his aunt walked regally in, looking angry and severe. As he rose, he thought,   
  
"Lady Catherine," he said evenly.  
  
"Fitzwilliam," she said, her nasal voice in a don't-contradict-me tone, "I have just come from Longbourn in great haste. I suppose you remember Mr. Collins, that annoying man who lives in the Rectory?" Darcy nodded. "He has informed me of the recent engagement between your friend Mr. Bingley and a certain Miss Jane Bennet," Lady Catherine continued. "And then he communicated to me a very disturbing rumor." She paused, then added as an afterthought, "Of course, I am usually above such petty things as rumors, but this one was almost certain, or so Mr. Collins informed me. Have you any idea what this awful piece of news was?"  
  
"I've no idea, madam," Darcy replied, rather bored.  
  
"Well," she said huffily, "that, at least, is a relief. I was told that YOU would soon be married to no other than Miss Elizabeth Bennet!" Her tone of scorn was matched only by the astonishment that Darcy felt. How quickly people came to conclusions! Lady Catherine went on, "Naturally, I immediately left for Hertfordshire. I found the whole corrupted family there, and, taking up my duty to question Miss Bennet, was astonished at her rudeness. She treated me as an equal in rank, imagine! Her answers were short and frank but most frustratingly evasive. And then I asked her to promise never to become engaged to you (as a safeguard, you understand, I don't suspect you) and explained to her why the match would be awful for you both." She paused for a time, watching carefully for a sign of anything in Darcy, but he was composed, though frantic inside. His heart felt leaden with misery-no one he knew save himself and Colonel Fitzwilliam could stand up to his Aunt de Bourgh when she was angered. But her harsh voice broke his silent reverie.  
  
"She refused! She absolutely refused to promise me never to commit that. that sin! So now, nephew, I trust you to promise me instead never to propose to her, or, for that matter, to anyone besides my daughter!" She waited, but Darcy was to astonished and happy to respond. Did that mean that he had a chance, a tiny chance, of making her love him? Surely she would have promised never to accept his hand if she had been as set against him as she was last spring? A new feeling welled up in Darcy's breast. Hope filled him with a glow of ecstasy, and he felt ready to cry at even this minute chance that had been afforded him. But his rejoicing was interrupted by his Aunt's hard voice.  
  
"Fitzwilliam!"  
  
"No," he said quietly, meeting her could eyes resolutely.  
  
"WHAT?" she screeched, horrified.  
  
"I said no, I will not promise to deny the miniscule possibility that Miss Bennet and I ever get married." His aunt went white, then red, and forgot all protocol as she berated him, her voice high, indignant, and angry. Darcy didn't hear her-his musing were occupying him fully. He had what seemed to be a tiny chance. Elizabeth hadn't said no. Small as it was, it was still an opportunity. He felt love welling up forcefully as he thought of the determination and spirit that it took to face his aunt. Could he have more than a small chance? he told himself. But he couldn't keep himself from hoping that maybe. Suddenly, Lady Catherine's words became more than just a mumble cast in the background by his thoughts. Enraged, he listened as she insulted Elizabeth and her family, making much of their standing. Only a few sentences were needed before he put up his hand abruptly, stopping her mid-rant, and waved her out. She gaped at him, speechless, and then started to protest, but a sharp glare sent her out in a huff. And Darcy was left alone with his thoughts.  
  
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A/N: If enough people review, I'll write some more Darcy POV's. So please review! 


	6. chapter 6

Darcy felt that Kitty's desire to call upon Miss Lucas could not have been better placed. If Elizabeth felt that they should carry on walking without Miss Kitty, he decided, it would be then that he declared himself. He had too much hope, was too much in love to wait-he had to know all before he could live on in peace. His mind was in turmoil, now, trying to decide if her behavior to himself was encouraging or no. She had barely spoken to him when he called and came to dine with Bingley, but she did not seem to dislike the fact that he came so often. And could he entirely discount her behavior to him at Pemberley? It had not been encouraging in the flirting meaning of the word, but her kindness and amiability then had been a great encouragement to him. If she hadn't been called away on behalf of her sister's elopement, he had little doubt that he would have been brought to propose again, shameful as it might seem, and he still wondered if she would have accepted.  
  
Darcy felt a thrill of anticipation and nerves as Elizabeth informed the Lucases that 'they could not stay, but that she would continue rambling with Mr. Darcy to ensure that he did not get lost along the walks, which, she feared, would be quite unknown to him, seeing as he dedicated his time to shooting and balls when in the neighborhood.' He had bowed compliantly and felt a trifle less worried-if she was jesting with him, then it must result from a kindness of feeling. They continued on their way, and Darcy, gathering his courage while it was high, was ready to begin (yet in no way sensible of how he would address her) when Elizabeth spoke in slightly unsure tones.  
  
"Mr. Darcy, I am a very selfish creature; and, for the sake of giving relief to my own feelings, care not how much I may be wounding yours. I can no longer help thanking you for your unexampled kindness to my sister. Ever since I have known it, I have been most anxious to acknowledge to you how gratefully I feel it. Were it known to the rest of the family, I should not have merely my own gratitude to express."  
  
He was surprised, and moved that she would thank him. Yet how wrongly could she have misconstrued it?  
  
"I am sorry, exceedingly sorry, that you have ever been informed of what may, in a mistaken light, have given you uneasiness. I did not think Mrs. Gardiner was so little to be trusted." Darcy watched her closely, attempting to discover any signs of emotion in her face. All he could detect was a slightly hightened color on her cheeks.  
  
"You must not blame my aunt," she replied. " Lydia's thoughtlessness first betrayed to me that you had been concerned in the matter; and, of course, I could not rest until I knew the particulars. Let me thank you again and again, in the name of all my family, for that generous compassion which induced you to take so much trouble, and bear so many mortifications, for the sake of discovering them."  
  
Darcy's hopes were high-had she really wanted to know about what he'd done? He saw an opening to tell of his own feelings. Heart throbbing in mingled hope and fear, he replied; "If you will thank me, let it be yourself alone. That the wish of giving happiness to you might add force to the other inducements which led me on, I shall not attempt to deny. But your family owe me nothing. Much as I respect them, I believe, I thought only of you."  
  
When she looked, down, her color high, and did not respond, Darcy pressed on, bent on knowing, now, whether it pained him or not. "You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings were still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wished are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject forever."  
  
He did not quite believe the former, but he also doubted that she loved him, doubted it more severely now that it was said than before. His heart pounded and he was pained with anxiety-he did not know what would become of him if she wished him silent. When she spoke, he listened at first with anxiety, and then with heartfelt joy and rapture.  
  
"Mr. Darcy. I pray you, understand that.I am filled with wonder and abhorrence at my own feelings in April. I can only be gratified that you have retained your affections until now, when I.can receive them with all my heart."  
  
Darcy was scarcely able to believe it, his happiness was such, but one look at her face reassured him that she really was in love. Her cheeks were flushed, her pretty lips curved up in an embarrassed smile, and her eyes, though modestly cast down, were full of their regular sparkle, plus the warmth of real love. He drew her arm into his, wanting to express his love and gratitude now that she had made him the absolute happiest of men.  
  
"Dearest, most perfect Elizabeth!" he exclaimed in rapture. "You do not know. you cannot guess how much happiness and satisfaction this gives me! You are truly the loveliest and dearest woman in all of England, nay, in the entire world! My affection has never gone astray, I have always loved you, and wished you to be my wife." Now she met his eyes, and held them, and their beauty and warmth washed over Darcy in a flood of joy and love.  
  
Together, they wandered on, talking of everything and of nothing, but speaking always about their love. Darcy, in every way as happy as was humanly possible, lost himself in walking with his-finally his-Elizabeth, and felt the bond that connected them stronger than ever before. 


	7. thank you

A/N: To all my lovely and faithful reviewers: I am very sorry I made everyone wait for so long, but I moved across the globe and have only just gotten computer access again. Now you have a complete series of 'Darcy's musings' starting after his first proposal and going all the way to the end of the book. I did, as requested, put them in their right order-the original chapter 1 is now chapter 5. I love all my reviewers, thank you so much!  
  
Bookworm 0607 


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